Dec 31, 2008

Happy New Year!

Well loves, here we go again, another year comes to a close. And its time to start thinking about the year that is passing and the year to come. For me this has been a crazy year full of ups and downs, and the moments that got lost in between. I find myself being glad that this year is over and filled with optimism that the year ahead will be better,much better.
I guess that's how this day makes everyone feel. I haven't come up with any resolutions for the year ahead but I'm sure that I will. Last year my resolution was to quit smoking and I did just that, it will one year tomorrow. If anyone has a resolution that they would like to share I would love to read it. I'm always curious about what people wish for themselves when there is a blank slate ahead of them and anything seems possible.
I wish for us all a safe and prosperous new year, I hope and pray that all of our dreams come true and that we lead the lives that we imagine ourselves living.

So here's to you and here's to me and our fabulous year ahead!

And if you plan on spending your night the way that I do remember, friends don't let friends drink and drive and they don't let them drink and screw ugly people.

Dec 29, 2008

And Done...

Well another Holiday season has come to an end, and I my dear friends could not be happier.

Dec 24, 2008

To You and Yours

Dec 23, 2008

I was flipping thought the channels the other night in a rare Christmasey mood which has been hard to come by, for some reason this season. And I really wanted to watch a great Christmas movie, none inperticular just one that might further my yuletide cheer and really get me in the mood. But there wasn't a single one on anywhere. I was shocked no Miracle on 34th street, no Grinch not even its a Wonderful Life. What is going on here? I remember when I was a little kid it seemed like we could watch a Christmas movie every night during the week before Christmas. It seems to me that in a time when so much is going wrong and so many are in times of turmoil that there might be a need for a little more Santa on the air, and maybe we can be reminded that it really is a Wonder Life.

Dec 19, 2008

Quote of the Day

" See, I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. So be as cunning as serpents and as innocent as doves."

Dec 17, 2008

How Cool is This!

Hey there loves, I was looking for something the other day and came across a website that I thought was super cool, and it got me to thinking. Maybe I should share this little gem with all the folks out there in the great unknown, since they too are super cool.
I will be calling this little section How Cool is This! Here I will post things that I think you might like, I hope they make you as happy as they make me!
In my very first edition of How Cool is This...
Zing All you do is got to this site, type in anything that you are looking to buy and click the department that it can be found and voila! They give you a list of places where you can find it. The best part is that these are sale prices and you can sign up and have them send you e-mail alerts when your item goes on sale at other places. According to the site the prices are no more than 30mins old and not only can you have an unlimited amount of searches but you can get alerts for as long as you want.
Its also nice because according to the site they never sell, rent, loan, trade, or lease any personal information. (I like that)
Well I hope that you have as much fun with this as I have.
Go forth and save!

Dec 15, 2008

The lovely Laura over at My thoughts- Uninterrupted, has tagged me to be a part of the Story Virus. You can find a recap of its creation and the instructions here.
And This my friends is the story...
The bus was more crowded than usual. It was bitterly cold outside, and I hadn't prepared for it. I noticed that a fair number of the riders were dressed curiously. As I glanced around, I stretched my feet and kicked up against a large, heavy cardboard box laying under the seat in front of me. (Splotchy)

I hunched down to see what it was, but as I did, the bus violently veered to left. I was thrown up against a heavyset Asian woman with blond hair. I pardoned myself, but she faced forward with no reply. Just then, a man wearing a jumpsuit of silver and gold stood up at the front of the bus. He was holding a megaphone and a box of graham crackers. He held the megaphone up to his face and began to speak... (Some Guy)

"Ladies and Gentlemen...please do not be afraid! I am here to help you" he said in a mighty booming voice. As he began to step towards me I felt a hand creep its way around my throat and all of a sudden I was pressed against the mighty bosom of the Asian woman as she she hauled me to my feet. She began to back away from the costumed crusader all the while holding me, feet dangling in the air. I panicked and my eyes searched the bus, hoping to connect with someone, anyone who would be able to help me. My eyes met those of the hero in gold and just as I began to gasp for air he yelled...(~E)

"Put her down and no one gets hurt", he yelled at the Asian woman. All the passengers turned to see what was going on and, as they did, I noticed they were more panicked than I was. A small bespectacled man closest to us hissed at my captor and said in a low voice „Take me, just don't hurt her.“ My fear gave way to curiosity. Who were all these people, and why were they so concerned for my well being?The Asian blonde's back was now pressed against the back of the bus, and she increased her grip on me as the megaphone man crept slowly towards us. As he passed through the bus people started getting up, and now they formed a small army behind him. He raised the box of graham crackers above his head and put his lips to the megaphone... (That Damn Expat)

"Since you refuse to cooperate, I will have to use my secret weapon!" Suddenly a laser like light shot out of the box of graham crackers and everything went black. I don't know how much time passed, but I awoke in a mysterious room with a terrible headache. Immediately I assumed that I had been captured and began wondering why me? Why not the Asian lady who seemed to be the source of trouble? Just then, a woman walked into the room wearing a gold lame' dress, she said...(Laura)

"Welcome back to the land of the living Agent Larson, we were afraid we had lost you back there. That was quite a rookie mistake you made, not ducking for cover when you saw the graham crackers of destruction." Graham crackers of destruction, Agent Larson... Who the hell was this woman... And why the hell was she wearing a gold lame' dress up to her ass in the middle of winter? I gathered from the look on her face and the gun that she now had pointed at my head, that I had just said everything I thought that I was thinking, to myself out loud. "I guess I got hit harder than I thought." She shook her head in agreement. "I love the dress," I said with a nervous smile "very sparkly."(Oleander)

I will be tagging in no particular order (as always)
1. Lilly Holiday
2. Megan
3. Sandi
4. High-heel gal
5.Tova Darling

Dec 12, 2008

I was sad to read this morning that the renowned pinup Queen of the 1950s, has died. According to her agent Mark Roesler, Page suffered a heart attack and never regained consciousness. She was 85. Page has been a fashion icon and a leader in the sexual revolution. Page did with a whip and a smile the things that most men were only dreaming of and most woman could not yet conceive. She was a one of a kind beauty who will forever been known, loved and emulated, because as they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Bettie Page
"I was not trying to be shocking, or to be a pioneer. I wasn't trying to change society, or to be ahead of my time. I didn't think of myself as liberated, and I don't believe that I did anything important. I was just myself. I didn't know any other way to be, or any other way to live." -B.P.

Dec 9, 2008

So a little ways back I started the first Stuff that Matters to Me post. Here is a snip it for those who missed it.
So for those of you that are following along at home you might wonder what are the Anyway I thought that I would share a few of them from time to time, since of course sharing is caring. Each time I will be be sharing the who or what the why and the where so if you're interested maybe it can matter to you too. Some topics may be heavier than others.
The Who:Darfur
The Why:This matters to me because genocide on any level anywhere should not be tolerated. someone once said "If you kill one innocent man it is as if you were kill all of humanity", That is something that has stuck with me and shaped the way that I see the world. To date, As many as 400,000 people have been killed; An estimated 2.5 million innocent civilians have been forced to flee their homes and now live in internally displaced persons (IDP) camps in Sudan or in refugee camps in neighboring Chad; Over 3 million men,women, and children are reliant on international aid for survival.
and The Where:You (if you are interested) can learn more about Darfur at, or

Today the Who will be...
Who: A site called, Free Rice is a sister site of, the goal for Free Rice is to provide education to everyone for free. and to help end world hunger by providing rice to hungry people for free.
The Why: This matters to be because I believe that there is no reason that someone should die because they lack food. A basic human need, and something that is abundantly available in most of our lives. However the statistics are staggering according to
923 million people across the world are hungry. Every day, almost 16,000 children die from hunger-related causes--one child every five seconds. And 820 million people in the developing world are undernourished.
The What: The what for this one is easy you can go to and all you have to do is play a game, its fun its free and you just might learn some thing. This is how it works Free Rice gives you a word, you click on the meaning of the word and for every one you get right their sponsors donate 20 grains of rice through the UN World Food Program. The game is fun and you get to learn lots of new words and best of all you are doing a little something to help those in need. There is no limit to how long you can play or a length of time that you have to play to get your answers to count. I have the site saved in my favorites and I play when ever I have a few extra minutes, like when I'm waiting for something to print or for a song to download. I know that 20 grains doesn't seem like a lot but it adds up fast and the more people play the bigger the numbers will be. here is a list of their donations so far this month,
December 1, 139,808,860, December 2, 157,220,920, December 3, 170,926,880,December 4, 177,606,640, December 5, 174,104,460, December 6, 70,678,180, December 7, 68,603,420,
December 8, 149,490,580.
Every little bit helps and every right answer matters, and who knows you might just learn a new word or two.

Dec 5, 2008

I don't know what is, maybe its the lack of sun light, or the cold weather, or maybe its this crazy time of year, but I feel constantly overwhelmed. I feel like I'm barely finishing one thing before the next thing needs to be done and my mind is a million miles away.
I long for bed and find that I rarely want to get out of it in the morning. That's not to say that I sleep once I'm there, because sleep for me is an elusive phantom, something that I can only remember, and seldom experience. And still, some days I wish I could just pull the covers up over my head and pretend its not the next day and I don't have to get up.
I have a constant feeling these days that I'm on the verge of a break down, a full on panic attack seems like its just waiting in the wings for me to show that my guard is down and then it to will overwhelm me and finally I will succumb to it all and I will just break. Break, Break... into thousands and thousands of little pieces that might never fit back together.
I feel some days like a zombie an empty shell who has just gotten through the day, but didn't really live in any of the moments.
But breaking like sleeping is not an option, for if the keystone crumbles the structure falls and all is not well, so for now I go on holding it together, with tape and gum a little bits of string and hope that no one tries to pull at my loose threads.

Dec 2, 2008

What are the things that matter to you?

Nov 29, 2008

Quote for the Day

"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible."

Nov 26, 2008

For those of you who like me, love to shop till you drop and and find sheer orgasmic pleasure in finding a great deal. Here are a few sites to tickle your Black Friday fancy.
1. TGI Black Friday
2. Slick Deals
3. Black Friday Info
4. Deal Catcher

Happy Hunting Loves!

Happy Thanksgiving

I just wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving to all those who partake and Happy Thursday to those who don't. Here are a few things that I am thankful for this year. And as always they are in no particular order.

1. Anyone who reads this blog, its nice to know that there are people out there whom I'll never meet that are interested still in what I have to say

2. Booze, its a little thing that helps get us thorough the holidays

3. Happy people, I like to see people happy it gives me hope that not everyone's life is as crazy as mine, it also makes being out in the crowds a lot more fun when you are waiting in line with happy people and not angry jerks, who don't think the line is ever moving fast enough

4. Snow, I love the stuff its clean and beautiful and and makes the air crisp I love that

5. My S.O. even though he drives me crazy and all, I love him and I wouldn't ever trade him in for a shiny new model

6. Sunny days, this time of year they are few and far between, but I live for them

7. Google I love it and we should all be thankful for Google

8. Books I love to read and although they are making it easier and cheaper to get your books in forms other than a actual book, that's a no go for me I love to read from a good old fashion book

9. Sales, my life would be so much harder if there were no sales

10. My health, because... I don't have insurance

Nov 24, 2008

What are the things that make you, you?

Nov 21, 2008

So here is the second installment of a few random things, the point once again is for you my awesome readers to get inside my head a little and have a better perspective about why I write and do the things I do. And as always they are in no particular order.

1. I get very nervous when people ask me personal questions
2. I am trying really hard to find a new job but its not working out for me, I don't really know why I have a great work record, its really making me bummed
3. I wash my hands like 10 or more times a day (the world is a dirty place)
4. I am very interested in the world around me
5. I love to argue a point, any point really
6. I love to drink, and I must say I am very good at it
7. Sometimes I wish that everything was different
8. I cry a lot at movies but hardly ever any other time I don't know why that is
9. I love sweets
10. I wonder if you can ever really go home again
Well I guess that's all for now...

Nov 19, 2008

Sniff... Sniff...

I'm so sad I don't really know why I think its just this time of year I find it incredibly depressing, I feel like I just don't want to get out of bed. I feel tired ugh so tired. Maybe I need one of those artificial sunlight lamp things.

Nov 17, 2008

Its good to be home

Hello Loves, I'm home and its nice to be back even though I was only gone a few days. I must say I truly missed the blogosphere I love to read about all of your lives and I love to rant all about mine. I still have lots of unpacking to do because I am a compulsive over packer, but that's fine with me I like to feel like I'm not forgetting anything. There is nothing worse than sitting on a flight and wondering if you remembered to pack your panties. Although I hate to pack I think that unpacking is worse than packing because its all the work but none of the fun at the end.
Well all I must bid you a fine fare well, for there is lots still left to do
but I missed you all and had to say Its good to be home...

Nov 13, 2008

Hello... Goodbye...

Hello loves I will be away for a few days but rest assured I will be thinking of you and I'm sure that I will have very interesting stories to share.
Well I'm off to pack lots of love,
xoxo Oleander

Nov 12, 2008

Quote for the Day

"Beware of a weak man for he will do anything to obtain even the slightest bit of power."

Nov 11, 2008

Its cold and rainy

Its cold out and rainy and I hate this time of year, its the time of year where everyone pretends to be happy or at least happier than they really are. And you have to spend time with people that you normally don't see all year but now you have to go and see them and pretend that you are having a great time. The only honest thing that is happening, is going on in the cars on the way to their dreaded destinations, where people are coming up with code words to get the heck out of dodge with the shit starts to hit the fan, after all the eggnog is gone and people are starting to get a little more honest with each other. For me that never seems to happen I only get to hear about it from friends when we are all retelling our horror stories over drinks lucky bastards. The places I go are much more reserved refined and xanax filled, with lots of hugs and kisses and secret dirty looks. They would never dream of fighting openly but you better believe that they hate each other just as much, but fighting out in the open is undignified and they just cant have that.
I don't know why I'm so cynical today maybe its the weather, maybe... I don't know. Here's hopping that someone out there is in a better mood than me.

Nov 8, 2008

How many people are truly happy, contented with their lives and just... happy?

Nov 6, 2008

So for those of you who are following along at home you know that I have a or maybe I should say had a best friend that is now know as Quicksilver. Well after thinking it over and even after I had decided that I was no longer going to be in a one sided friendship with this person I called them anyway, I don't know why I guess that I am a romantic at heart and I think that friendships are some of the great loves of your life or maybe its just that I am a glutton for punishment and I wanted to feel crappy since I had been in such a good mood lately, anyway I called and true to form Quicksilver let me down. We used to be able to talk for hours about anything, and nothing at all and this time it seemed as if we had nothing to say to each other. I asked how things were and I got the short answer. I felt so I out touch. And that makes me sad because there isn't a real reason as to why we aren't what we used to be, there was no fight or rumor or anything just one day she was gone... here but gone. So, back to the call.. I call when I know I shouldn't but I do because that's who I am and we talk after weeks of not talking, about nothing really and for not very long she never asked about me or my life and seemed to have very little interest in the lives of our other friends, who by the way have all written her off and why cant I ... why cant I do the same? Why do I have this need to fix everything that's broken? Well today I tell myself no more and we will see how that goes but as of right now I am done, done,done,done.

Nov 5, 2008

Yes We Did

It is with great honor and a humble heart that I am proud to say that we as a nation in overwhelming numbers 62,754,669 voters so far (final numbers still aren't in) 349 electoral votes when only 270 are needed. Have elected Senator Barack Obama our 44th President. It is, in my opinion a testament to President elect Obama's character and campaign that so many different kinds of people have chosen him to be our leader. It is a sign of things to come when you see the reaction shots from around the country and from around the world when you see people with tears of joy and smiling faces instead of anger and hate and burned effigies. May this dawning of a new era be the balm that heals the wounds of our world.

Nov 4, 2008


With so many rumors flying around I thought that I would do my part and post a few facts
1. NO NO NO There is not a new law that says Republicans vote today and Democrats vote tomorrow.
2. You will not be arrested if you show up to vote and you have an outstanding warrant or lots of parking tickets.
3. It is true that in some states, like Nebraska, Virginia, and New York, wearing campaign gear is not allowed at the polls. But no matter what, your vote cannot be taken away from you. At most, you will have to take off a button or put a jacket over a T-shirt. You will still be allowed to vote. I say DONT RISK IT wear your shirt later when you have your I voted sticker.
4. There are some rumors that immigration officers will be checking citizenship at the polls. While you must of course be a U.S. citizen in order to vote, immigration officers and law enforcement officers cannot and do not check immigration status of voters at the polls. If you’re lawfully registered to vote in your precinct, no one should be challenging your vote
5. Even if your state requires an ID and your forget to bring one, you are still entitled to vote. Ask to cast a provisional ballot.
6. If you are a first-time voter who registered to vote by mail, you should bring a form of ID with you to the polls.
7. YOU CANNOT VOTE BY PHONE no matter what the person on the other line tells you its not true I repeat it is NOT TRUE.
8. If you have outstanding parking tickets or other traffic violations, outstanding utility bills, are behind on your mortgage, or other outstanding county fines, you still have the right to vote. You do not have to pay any of the above tickets, bills, or fines in order to vote.
9. The fact that your house has been or is being foreclosed does not affect your right to vote, particularly if you are registered to vote at that address and you still live there. Even if you have been forced to move somewhere else, most states give you a grace period in which you can vote at your old precinct.
10. There are number you can call if you have a problem each state is different but here is a number 1-877-874-6226 that is national they can tell you where to vote and answer any questions that you have, I got it from the Obama website, that doesn't meant that they wont help you if you are not a supporter. CNN also has a voter hot-line where they will pass on any information from voters who have problems that number is 1-877-GOCNN08 or 1-877-462-6608 they will transfer you to your state or local election board.
So with all that said ...

Nov 3, 2008

Quote for the Day

"Things don't become great by accident, they grow great on purpose."

Oct 31, 2008

Happy Halloween!

I just want to wish you all a very Happy Halloween! Try not to eat to much candy!

Oct 28, 2008

Quote for the Day

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to get what he cannot lose."

Oct 27, 2008

So for those of you that are following along at home you might wonder what are the things that matter to me (by the way I'm thinking maybe I should go with something different than me) Anyway I thought that I would share a few of them from time to time, since of course sharing is caring. Each time I will be be sharing the who or what the why and the where so if you're interested maybe it can matter to you too. Some topics may be heavier than others.

The Who Darfur:
Since early 2003, Sudanese armed forces and Sudanese government-backed militia known as the “Janjaweed” have been fighting two rebel groups in
Darfur, the Sudanese Liberation Army/Movement(SLA/SLM) and the Justice and Equality Movement(JEM), which have since fractured into over a dozen
groups. The stated political aim of the rebels has been to compel the government of Sudan to address underdevelopment and the political marginalization of the region. In response, the Sudanese government’s regular armed forces and the Janjaweed have targeted civilian populations and ethnic groups from which the rebels primarily draw their support.The Sudanese government and the Janjaweed militias are responsible for the burning and destruction of hundreds of villages, the killing of hundreds of thousands of people and rape and assault of thousands of women and girls.(

The Why:
This matters to me because genocide on any level anywhere should not be tolerated. someone once said "If you kill one innocent man it is as if you were kill all of humanity", That is something that has stuck with me and shaped the way that I see the world. To date, As many as 400,000 people have been killed; An estimated 2.5 million innocent civilians have been forced to flee their homes and now live in internally displaced persons (IDP) camps in Sudan or in refugee camps in neighboring Chad; Over 3 million men,women, and children are reliant on international aid for survival.
The Where:
You (if you are interested) can learn more about Darfur at, or an Anmnastiy Internatiol website, where you can see the satellite evidence and read detailed accounts of each village so that with your own eyes you will know the brutality that is taking place in Darfur.

Oct 24, 2008

Rock the Vote!

No matter who you are or what you believe get out and vote let your voice be heard!

Oct 23, 2008

Yea Me!

Hello All,

Well friends your girl here has been given her first award, it was given to me by the lovely Holly over at In My Over Active Head, Thanks Holly!

It's the Bookworm Award!

Here are the rules:Pass it on to five other bloggers, and tell them to open the nearest book to page 56. Write out the fifth sentence on that page, and also the next two to five sentences...The CLOSEST BOOK, NOT YOUR FAVORITE, OR MOST INTELLECTUAL!!

Well here I go...

Well the first book I saw is one that's on my desk its called What Not to Say and its by Linda J. Beam

And it says... Meaning "next to last", penultimate is often mistakenly used to mean "the very last", or the ultimate: "The perfectionist was crestfallen when he was awarded the penultimate prize; the grand prize went to another." Many people also mistakenly use penultimate when they mean "quintessential" or archetypical."

What a mouthful if I had known this was coming I would have had a more fun book at my desk.

So it is now my honor to pass this award onto... drum-roll please....


2. Tia

3. Nicole



Oct 22, 2008

Letting Go

I have had many great friendships in my life thus far and as I have begun to look back on them I realize that a great friendship is like a great love affair. Like a great love affair you happen upon this person and the sparks fly you love love love them and you cant spend enough time together, you tell each other everything make plans for the future and think that it will be like this forever. And as time passes in both a great friendship and a love affair things change, you talk a little less quarrel a little more but still you're sure that you love them and they love you so in the end what else really matters.
But in a great love affair when things fall apart or when someone has broken the other beyond repair there is a clear place to end things, there is a line that when crossed the two part ways and the love becomes a story of their past. And indeed there are a few lines in friendship that work the same way, but they tend to be blurry and often ignored for the sake of saving a great friendship. But why...
I know that the reasons are many, big and small and are as varied as the friends themselves but when is it time to let go? Is it time to let go when we realize that we are better friends to them than they are to us? When a person becomes someone that you don't feel that you know anymore, is it then? Why is it that it is so hard to know when to let go, and when you do know how do you do it? Do you end it like your love affair?
They say that friends come into your life for a reason and some stay a moment some a season and some for a life time, but how do you know which is which? How do you know who to fight for and who to let go?
In the story of my life I have a friend, from this day forth this friend will be known as Quicksilver ( or unpredictable).
Quicksilver is a friend that I thought would be one of my forever friends, we were best friends and I thought that it would be that way forever but now I don't know more and more I feel like our relationship is one sided I do all the giving and she does all the taking and I just don't know that I have it in me to stay on this ride anymore.
Quicksilver used to be the girl that everyone loved, we hung out all the time from shutting down bars to watching movies. She was the life of the party and always the one you could count on if you needed a shoulder, but now she is the person that everyone asks if you have heard from, she doesn't answer phone calls or emails. She never wants to hang out and when she does she isn't really there. And it has all happened so fast I have had friendships that have tapered off in the past that eventually come to an end but this felt like it came out of nowhere one day she was my best friend and the next I barely know who she is, and I'm sad about it but I cant keep putting myself out there. And I'm so confused.
So that's the story so far...

Oct 20, 2008

How do you know when its time to let a friendship go?

*To be continued...

Oct 18, 2008

Well, I my friends have been tagged by Shorty , and here is how the game is played:
1. Link to the person that tagged you
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs
5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6. Let your tagger know when your entry is UP

So here are my six things and as always in no particular order
1. I am still sometimes afraid that there is something under my bed
2. I love to watch very scary movies in the dark even though I'm the biggest scaredy cat there is
3. I love babies
4. I love the snow
5. One of my biggest fears is falling I sometimes have nightmares about it
6. Unlike most people I love public speaking

And here is who I'm tagging
Holly, The Ex, Mama of Romance, Sassy, Belle and Michelle

Oct 16, 2008

Quote For the Day

"Those who are different change the world, those who are the same keep it that way."

Oct 15, 2008

I came across a little something that I thought was awesome and If you are a total purse freak like me you will too.There is a new site that is about to launch today its called Handbag And to kick off the launching of their new site they are giving away a handbag an hour for 24 hours. All you have to do is go to their site give your name and email address and pick the bag that you like, they even pay to ship it to you. Personally I think that is one heck of a way to get your name out.
So to all you fellow purse freaks out there this one is for you!

Oct 13, 2008


So I managed to make an appearance this weekend at that party and get the heck out of dodge before the Grinch even got there. I was all ready saying my good byes by the time that I heard that he was on his way so it worked out perfectly.

Oct 10, 2008

I was thinking last night as I tried to fall asleep that maybe I should share a few random facts about me with those of you out there in the blogospehere. So here they are and as always in no particular order.
1: My thoughts never go from point a to point b, which tends to confuse and sometimes anger and annoy those around me
2: When I was little I talked really fast I still sometimes do
3: Dirty things make me itch even if they are just on tv
4: I wish I were tall
5: I am the worst speller ever
6: I like being hit on it gives me a little boost
7: I wish I were more of a risk taker
8: I tend to say yes more than I should
9: I have an irrational fear that people are talking about me
10: I sometimes cry myself to sleep
That's all for now...

Oct 8, 2008

Who was it I wonder that decided that the best revenge is living well? I mean do any of us really and truly believe that. Is it really enough for us to just live well or is it that the best revenge is living better than the other person? Who among us hasn't wanted to make sure that they looked their best when they know that they are going to see the one that broke their heart or the one that got away. And I my friends am no exception to the rule.
Once upon a time in a life now far far away there was a boy who broke my heart, from here on out he will be known as the Grinch because, well to me that's what he is.
This all comes up because there is a very big chance that I will be running into the Grinch at a party this weekend. Although I haven't seen him in a very long time and don't really think about him during the day for some reason he is often in my dreams most of the time the dreams are pg and there isn't much to them but he is there and that bothers me for so many reasons and none at all really. I would like to be able to say that I'm not stressed at all about the potential sighting of the Grinch but that would be a lie. The thought of it has taken on a life of its own and is slowly driving me crazy. Mostly because I am worried that he will spot me and I will not be on my game. I want to be the one that sees him coming I want to be the one that catches him of guard, and I want to be smoking hot when I do it. Is that to much to ask?

Oct 6, 2008

Why is it that the wanter never gets and the getter never wants?

Oct 3, 2008

Quote for the day

"Experience is what comes when you work hard and still don't get what you want."

Oct 2, 2008

I Think therefore I am... Is there any truth to that? And if so why isn't it working for me?

Oct 1, 2008

Stand by your man

"Stand by your man.... And show the world you love him..."
When you aren't showing the world you love him and its just the two of you at home do you still have to "stand by your man" or do you tell him how you really feel about the way he acted that day?
(For the record I love my S.O. (significant other, fiance actually) I love him more than I think I realise sometimes he is the kind of guy that everyone tells you will make a great husband and dad and the kind of guy that makes all your friends go home and say to their guys why cant you be more like so n' so.
That being said and stated for the record I feel like I can move on.)
So that brings us back to my question do we just stand by our men our women which ever the case may be or do we tell them even if its in front of others that we think that they are wrong?
A small situation yesterday brought me to this question, my SO and I were leaving a restaurant when he discovered that there were tomatoes on his sandwich which of course caused him the beautiful hot head that he is to lose it. And he begins to insist that we return so that he can tell the people inside just how stupid they really are. However this time I was too hungry and too tired to lie and I told him the truth that he never asked for no tomatoes, now I say this time because this has happened to us a few times and normally we are in a drive through and someone is standing there and I don't want to interrupt his colorful dialogue with the guy at the window to tell him that he is wrong. ( most of the time he is right but not always) For some reason it just seems wrong to tell him in front of someone that they are right and he is wrong. So I don't, but on this particular occasion far away from strangers ears and already back in traffic I told him the truth and I must say it was liberating I didn't have to pretend all the way home that those people are incompetent and agree with him because he was sure he told them.
Now, my SO is a busy guy and just like everyone else he makes mistakes but when other people are watching and he just knows that he is right that seems to be the time when I hear that song and afterwords when its just the two of us it seems silly to even bring it up, I mean why make him feel bad about something he cant do anything about now.
"Stand by your man... And show the world you love him" thank you very much Tammy Wynette

Sep 29, 2008

So lately there have been things I just cant get out of my head I'm not really sure why as far as some of them are concerned while others I know exactly why but either way here they are a few of them in no particular order.

1: The phrase you can never go home again
2: Ben Folds Five version of rain drops keep falling on my head
3: Fear that the economy will come crashing down and I will have to eat stuff out of a can
4: Why is it so hard to lose weight
5: That song who says you cant go home
6: I wonder if I have any new e-mail
7: Why do I keep dreaming about the same boy from high school
8: I wish I was stoned
9: What made him love her and not me
10: Will I ever be able to say I'm sorry
11: Will he ever believe that I'm sorry
12: What is that smell
13: Maybe today will be the day
14: I really wish I was stoned
15: When did it all change

Sep 25, 2008

Quote for the Day

"Death doesn't just take someone, it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being taken and being missed lives are changed".

Sep 22, 2008

I have always wanted to be apart of something bigger than myself to be apart of a collective where the needs and wants of the greater good a more important than that of the individual. To feel like I am more than just me. And as many times as I have tried this I never seem to get to that place, I can never seem to loose me, to let go of myself in the moment and really be apart of the things that are going on around me. If you were to see me from the outside you would think that I was lost in the moment just as the others around me but I'm not I am lost only in my head, thinking random thoughts, and trying to quiet an endless dialogue that flows through my head. This disconnection plagues me, in times that I should feel raw emotion I find myself thinking about my emotions instead of having them. I cry when I am sad and I laugh when I am happy but there isn't ever a time when I'm not thinking, thinking,thinking always thinking I long just to feel. I long to be apart of something bigger than myself, something full of emotion and I don't matter in that moment, something that moves me to not think but just feel.

Sep 17, 2008

So I was wondering today when do you feel all grown up? Is it something that you just wake up an feel one day? Or does the feeling come once you have children? Do you just go from feeling young and invincible one day to old and and regretful the next? I have gone from my teens to my early twenties to my mid twenties with out the feeling that I have really grown up. I act as if I am a full fledged adult and I spend my time with other twentysomethings who too act as grownups act but it still feels like we are stuck in limbo sometimes in that place between your life as it was and your life as it will be. We own homes and pay bills but it doesn't feel real. Don't get me wrong I am in no hurry to feel older, its hard enough to see the candles on my cake multiply, but I just wonder when will I feel like ahh.. I'm a big girl now.

Sep 16, 2008

Quote for the day

"Life is a long period of boredom separated by periods of panic".

Sep 15, 2008

Who am I...

Who am I... I often wonder if anyone can truly answer that question honestly, even when they are the only ones who will hear the answer. Is it just that the question is to complex to answer, or is it that we don't truly know ourselves or in the end is it that we spend so much time being so many things to so many different people that we never really get the chance to know the answer. I myself have played many roles and worn many hats. I have been a daughter but never a mother, a friend and often an accomplice, a fiance but never a wife, a lover and a secret. A savior and a downfall. Some have said I wear my heart on my sleeve while others have said I must not have one. I have been known to give in to soon but also to fight to hard. I pretend to live my life like an open book yet if people would pay closer attention they would realize they know nothing about me at all. I have been called the greatest thing to happen to some and the worse to others. I take to little time to forgive and to much to forget. And someone once told me that I was like a tornado you never really see it coming until it hits you and even though you know it will leave chaos and destruction when it leaves, every thing seems alright when your in the eye of the storm.
In the end I feel my question will never really be answered, maybe because I feel like if it is I will be stuck, I will have to be me. No longer playing roles or wearing hats, just being the me that I have decided was the real and true me. Or maybe because I don't really want to know, maybe the fun is in the exploration of the unknown.

Sep 13, 2008

Soo this is life...

So this is life... this is a question I often ask myself. Always knowing that the answer will be yes but all the same still asking over and over, hoping one day the answer will be different, hoping this time the answer will be no... this isn't life this is a dream and when you wake up all the wrong things that you have done and all the mistakes that you have made will no longer chase you in your dreams, because how could they this has all been a dream a wild crazy dream.
And so I will continue to ask myself the question, each time bracing myself for the answer, deep down hoping that it will be different this time. And in the time in between then and now I will purge my mind, my heart my soul. My past and my present. I will purge my thoughts, lay them here bare and raw and hope that freeing them will keep me from drowning from inside. I hope that letting them go keeps them from swirling around in my head although, part of me worries that letting them go will cause the noise in my head to stop and I will no longer be able to drown out the sound of myself screaming.
I guess I wont know until its all said and done.
So here I am and this is my purge....


to rid of whatever is impure or undesirable; cleanse; purify.
to clear of imputed guilt or ritual uncleanliness.
to clear away or wipe out by atonement

to become cleansed or purified.

This is my wish... This is my prayer


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