Dec 5, 2008

Is it time for bed yet...

I don't know what is, maybe its the lack of sun light, or the cold weather, or maybe its this crazy time of year, but I feel constantly overwhelmed. I feel like I'm barely finishing one thing before the next thing needs to be done and my mind is a million miles away.
I long for bed and find that I rarely want to get out of it in the morning. That's not to say that I sleep once I'm there, because sleep for me is an elusive phantom, something that I can only remember, and seldom experience. And still, some days I wish I could just pull the covers up over my head and pretend its not the next day and I don't have to get up.
I have a constant feeling these days that I'm on the verge of a break down, a full on panic attack seems like its just waiting in the wings for me to show that my guard is down and then it to will overwhelm me and finally I will succumb to it all and I will just break. Break, Break... into thousands and thousands of little pieces that might never fit back together.
I feel some days like a zombie an empty shell who has just gotten through the day, but didn't really live in any of the moments.
But breaking like sleeping is not an option, for if the keystone crumbles the structure falls and all is not well, so for now I go on holding it together, with tape and gum a little bits of string and hope that no one tries to pull at my loose threads.

1 Comment:

  1. Luella May said...
    You have touched my heart, as you remind me of myself many years ago. I am here to tell you that you are not stuck in the way you feel. Healing is very possible and is much easier than you might imagine. Healing and feeling alive takes just a few simple steps.

    Firstly, it is important to change your diet. A lot of the additives in the foods we eat contribute to depression, panic and anxiety. The first thing to do is get sugar out of your life. Also, processed foods, junk foods, fast foods, and those "comfort" foods. Switch to a natural diet, mainly raw. Say, 80% raw, 20% cooked consisting of chicken, turkey, and fresh water fish. Eat no red meat, drink no sodas, neither regular or diet. And don't drink alcohol.

    There are certain supplements that will put your brain chemistry back in check. They are:

    Trace Minerals - Stabilizes the chemical imbalance in your brain.

    Omega 3's - Eases Depression

    Iodine Supplementation - Iodine depletion causes anxiety. Also have your thyroid checked. Sometimes, thyroid disease can be the sole cause of anxiety.

    Magnesium - Relaxes the nervous system and muscles.

    CoQ10 - Promotes cardiovascular health.

    And very important - Colloidal Gold will uplift your mood, ease depression, panic and anxiety. I cannot overemphasize the benefits of colloidal gold.

    Of course, take all these with a good multivitamin/multimineral supplement as a base.

    You will find a new sense of wellbeing by just doing the above.

    But one thing cannot be overlooked, and that is your emotions. Depression, panic and anxiety is too often the cause of trauma and hurt that we have experienced, so deep that it has seared our very soul. And too often it started in our childhood. It is important for emotional healing to take place, as that may be the root that needs to be pulled out. Your blog is a wonderful outlet for your emotions, but do you have someone that you can talk to, share your heart with?

    This is how I healed from depression, panic and anxiety. I was to the point of being apathetic and yes, I was merely an onlooker in my own life. That can change. You can live life to its fullest.

    I certainly hope that I have helped, and I wish all my best to you.

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