Purge

I have always wanted to be apart of something bigger than myself to be apart of a collective where the needs and wants of the greater good a more important than that of the individual. To feel like I am more than just me. And as many times as I have tried this I never seem to get to that place, I can never seem to loose me, to let go of myself in the moment and really be apart of the things that are going on around me. If you were to see me from the outside you would think that I was lost in the moment just as the others around me but I'm not I am lost only in my head, thinking random thoughts, and trying to quiet an endless dialogue that flows through my head. This disconnection plagues me, in times that I should feel raw emotion I find myself thinking about my emotions instead of having them. I cry when I am sad and I laugh when I am happy but there isn't ever a time when I'm not thinking, thinking,thinking always thinking I long just to feel. I long to be apart of something bigger than myself, something full of emotion and I don't matter in that moment, something that moves me to not think but just feel.