Purge

It is that time once again loves, time to introduce a new character, in the story that is my life.
He is fire (Boy Fire to be exact) and he is a flame to which I am undeniably drawn.
He isn't really my type, I barely find him physically attractive, but here I am still thinking about him days after our last encounter. I hear the words that he speaks to me over and over again in my head, and his scent is for ever blazed into my memory. I have been attracted to many but truly drawn to few, but it has always made sense before. There was always a reason, not the least of which was pure physical attraction, but not this time to be perfectly honest this isn't the guy that would normally inspire dirty thoughts, or even a second thought if I walked passed him on the street.
So why..., why him, why is it him that slips into my dreams at night?
I am utterly confused.
I can not explain it.
I have no idea why he has become my Boy Fire.
But what I do know is that Fire burns.

So for those of you still following along at home, I found out during my hiatus that Quicksilver is pregnant. I don't know how far a long or anything like that since it wasn't even her that I heard the news from. As always my first instinct was to call her and see how things were going hoping that she would tell me she was sorry for the way things had been but she had huge news and was excited to share it with me, but I decided against it. I think this time I will wait for her, if she wants she can call me, I am so over being the one that works at this.
I am a little sad though, I always thought that when we got to the part in our lives that we were ready (as ready as you can be) for such things, that it would be something that we shared with each other. Doing all the fun and exciting things that women do with each other when one of them is expecting. I guess that isn't going to be our reality.
Such is life.


Lots of Love
*Oleander*

So for those of you who are following along at home you know that I have a or maybe I should say had a best friend that is now know as Quicksilver. Well after thinking it over and even after I had decided that I was no longer going to be in a one sided friendship with this person I called them anyway, I don't know why I guess that I am a romantic at heart and I think that friendships are some of the great loves of your life or maybe its just that I am a glutton for punishment and I wanted to feel crappy since I had been in such a good mood lately, anyway I called and true to form Quicksilver let me down. We used to be able to talk for hours about anything, and nothing at all and this time it seemed as if we had nothing to say to each other. I asked how things were and I got the short answer. I felt so I out touch. And that makes me sad because there isn't a real reason as to why we aren't what we used to be, there was no fight or rumor or anything just one day she was gone... here but gone. So, back to the call.. I call when I know I shouldn't but I do because that's who I am and we talk after weeks of not talking, about nothing really and for not very long she never asked about me or my life and seemed to have very little interest in the lives of our other friends, who by the way have all written her off and why cant I ... why cant I do the same? Why do I have this need to fix everything that's broken? Well today I tell myself no more and we will see how that goes but as of right now I am done, done,done,done.

I have had many great friendships in my life thus far and as I have begun to look back on them I realize that a great friendship is like a great love affair. Like a great love affair you happen upon this person and the sparks fly you love love love them and you cant spend enough time together, you tell each other everything make plans for the future and think that it will be like this forever. And as time passes in both a great friendship and a love affair things change, you talk a little less quarrel a little more but still you're sure that you love them and they love you so in the end what else really matters.
But in a great love affair when things fall apart or when someone has broken the other beyond repair there is a clear place to end things, there is a line that when crossed the two part ways and the love becomes a story of their past. And indeed there are a few lines in friendship that work the same way, but they tend to be blurry and often ignored for the sake of saving a great friendship. But why...
I know that the reasons are many, big and small and are as varied as the friends themselves but when is it time to let go? Is it time to let go when we realize that we are better friends to them than they are to us? When a person becomes someone that you don't feel that you know anymore, is it then? Why is it that it is so hard to know when to let go, and when you do know how do you do it? Do you end it like your love affair?
They say that friends come into your life for a reason and some stay a moment some a season and some for a life time, but how do you know which is which? How do you know who to fight for and who to let go?
In the story of my life I have a friend, from this day forth this friend will be known as Quicksilver ( or unpredictable).
Quicksilver is a friend that I thought would be one of my forever friends, we were best friends and I thought that it would be that way forever but now I don't know more and more I feel like our relationship is one sided I do all the giving and she does all the taking and I just don't know that I have it in me to stay on this ride anymore.
Quicksilver used to be the girl that everyone loved, we hung out all the time from shutting down bars to watching movies. She was the life of the party and always the one you could count on if you needed a shoulder, but now she is the person that everyone asks if you have heard from, she doesn't answer phone calls or emails. She never wants to hang out and when she does she isn't really there. And it has all happened so fast I have had friendships that have tapered off in the past that eventually come to an end but this felt like it came out of nowhere one day she was my best friend and the next I barely know who she is, and I'm sad about it but I cant keep putting myself out there. And I'm so confused.
So that's the story so far...

How do you know when its time to let a friendship go?

*To be continued...

So I managed to make an appearance this weekend at that party and get the heck out of dodge before the Grinch even got there. I was all ready saying my good byes by the time that I heard that he was on his way so it worked out perfectly.

Who was it I wonder that decided that the best revenge is living well? I mean do any of us really and truly believe that. Is it really enough for us to just live well or is it that the best revenge is living better than the other person? Who among us hasn't wanted to make sure that they looked their best when they know that they are going to see the one that broke their heart or the one that got away. And I my friends am no exception to the rule.
Once upon a time in a life now far far away there was a boy who broke my heart, from here on out he will be known as the Grinch because, well to me that's what he is.
This all comes up because there is a very big chance that I will be running into the Grinch at a party this weekend. Although I haven't seen him in a very long time and don't really think about him during the day for some reason he is often in my dreams most of the time the dreams are pg and there isn't much to them but he is there and that bothers me for so many reasons and none at all really. I would like to be able to say that I'm not stressed at all about the potential sighting of the Grinch but that would be a lie. The thought of it has taken on a life of its own and is slowly driving me crazy. Mostly because I am worried that he will spot me and I will not be on my game. I want to be the one that sees him coming I want to be the one that catches him of guard, and I want to be smoking hot when I do it. Is that to much to ask?

"Stand by your man.... And show the world you love him..."
When you aren't showing the world you love him and its just the two of you at home do you still have to "stand by your man" or do you tell him how you really feel about the way he acted that day?
(For the record I love my S.O. (significant other, fiance actually) I love him more than I think I realise sometimes he is the kind of guy that everyone tells you will make a great husband and dad and the kind of guy that makes all your friends go home and say to their guys why cant you be more like so n' so.
That being said and stated for the record I feel like I can move on.)
So that brings us back to my question do we just stand by our men our women which ever the case may be or do we tell them even if its in front of others that we think that they are wrong?
A small situation yesterday brought me to this question, my SO and I were leaving a restaurant when he discovered that there were tomatoes on his sandwich which of course caused him the beautiful hot head that he is to lose it. And he begins to insist that we return so that he can tell the people inside just how stupid they really are. However this time I was too hungry and too tired to lie and I told him the truth that he never asked for no tomatoes, now I say this time because this has happened to us a few times and normally we are in a drive through and someone is standing there and I don't want to interrupt his colorful dialogue with the guy at the window to tell him that he is wrong. ( most of the time he is right but not always) For some reason it just seems wrong to tell him in front of someone that they are right and he is wrong. So I don't, but on this particular occasion far away from strangers ears and already back in traffic I told him the truth and I must say it was liberating I didn't have to pretend all the way home that those people are incompetent and agree with him because he was sure he told them.
Now, my SO is a busy guy and just like everyone else he makes mistakes but when other people are watching and he just knows that he is right that seems to be the time when I hear that song and afterwords when its just the two of us it seems silly to even bring it up, I mean why make him feel bad about something he cant do anything about now.
"Stand by your man... And show the world you love him" thank you very much Tammy Wynette